The earth stood still one day...

You held my hand,
and looked into my soul
as you wove fabrications into my mind.
Promising i could trust you,
you would never leave my side.

I opened my cover, and read you the story.
leaving the last bit blank for you to write
thinking you'd make a perfect ending.
But i end up with a how to manual on deception.

Making me want to cease all basic human functions.
Shut down permanently.

You were my moon. The overseer of the night.
But the moon waxes and wanes
and our cycles didn't mesh.

you were captured in the eyes of a porcelain doll.
but how can you be lost in
something with no reflection.

My nights are pitch black.
The tides have gone crazy.

Wishing i could self terminate,
I've ripped out your pages.
started again.

I've found another you
and hes got copyright permission.

I'm writing a sequel
praying for a bestseller.

10.17

I miss you.
Even though i wouldn't be with you anyways.

I feel comfortable here.
Comfortably numb.....

Copyright infringment.

I'll get the lawsuit tomorrow.

My mind is racing.
yet somehow completely desolate.

The owners have returned.
Who knows what will happen next.

Ice cream and British accents.
Come on and let it out.

My insides are dancing
but my outsides won't move.

Social awkwardness consumes me.
Hinders my speech.
Obscures my movements.


Crack my shell.

I wan't to break free.

The nut inside is Toxic.

10.17

I've lost all feeling in my extremities.
I can no longer differentiate between the smoke and my breath.

Explosive amounts of vomit
covering the floor.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
not with you anyway.

I'm getting my fill tonight.
I've been jonesing for weeks.

It's beautiful up here.
The wind piercing your flesh like needles.

What is there to do?
Everyone is asleep.
yet i feel obligated to forcefully restrain my eyelids from their
natural state.

Why?

Good question.

Let me know if you find out.

As for me.

I've lost all sense of whats real.

Fuck.

One way of putting it...

Numb fingers scribbling silent words
no one will see.
How do i express what I'm feeling.
Mixed emotions spreading like AIDs.
How do i tell you I need you.

Strolling through the days.
we don't speak.
we don't feel.
Vague text messages sent back and forth.
Up to my balls in small talk.
all i want is to feel your warmth.
how do i tell you I'd spend the rest of my life with you.

When I'm Just another girl who lives around the bend. unable to Express my true feelings. wishing you could Read my Emotions. when My pages are written In invisible ink. And the book is closed.

How do i tell you, you're my everything?

words might help.

10.9

Daydreaming through the streets.
I don't know what to think.

It would seem i've lost all touch with reality.
how do i cope?

Intoxicants, carcinogens, Promiscuity.

Attempting to drown myself
just to feel.

Pathetic.

Coursing through life on autopilot.
Blindfolded and gagged.

Theres nothing you can do.

Wishing someone could save me from this hell.
Teach me how to feel, how to love.

I slept in that day.
Missed the lecture.

Someone shake me awake.
I've taken too many hallucinogens.

I fear I'll comatose soon.

9.26

What comes next.
Sitting in isolation.
Mind wandering.

Brain dead.

I'm looking at your words
but cannot comprehend.
Systems on overhaul.

I can feel my organs.

Feed my bloodlust.
My throats raw.

Cottonmouth.
Sucez-Moi Sec.

My Minds fast forwarding.
wheres the remote.

Hey Mrs. China eyes. need some grass?

Eyes clouded over.
Sanity lost.

It's sickening.

9.8

When will this day end?

Your anger is obvious.
I want to protect you. But who am i to protect you, but a child.
In desperate need of protection herself.

If only i had the power.

Pull the plug.

Whats wrong.
Nothing.

Everything.

Body writhing in pain.
Whats wrong.

Aleve consumed like candy.
Kidney failure.
Checkmate.

Whats wrong.
Sleep deprived. Deliriousness.
Mind riddled with plague.

I don't fucking know.

If only i could jump just this once.
Get behind.
Push.

I'll just sit and rot.

Can't you see im decaying.

Throw back the curtains.

9.7

Body writhing with intoxicants.

This isn't what i wanted.

wheres the escape key?
Backspace.

This goo won't come off.
Techno beats fill my soul.

Whats the cure.
Cottonmouth.

Incorrect.

Daft punk is playing in my house.
Sleep comes easy tonight. Maybe this was needed.
Im out of nicotine.

Someone stoke the fire.

The shits never ending. Ive lost my page.
Tell me what happens next.

I don't know who i am anymore.
Wheres my flashlight?

Dead.

Lucky fuck.

A Stranger in my own skin.

Ive flatlined.

9.6

My hearts beating again.
What just happened....i have no idea.

This cancer is delicious.

I may never stop.

The sun has risen. I still haven't slept.

My stomach is yelling.

I might be able to sleep tonight.

At least for a bit.

My eyes are slowly closing. Ive lost my shirt.

I can't read these words.

Hands shaking. I need my fill.

It'll all be better tomorrow.

Negative.

Positive.

The absolute value of zero is zero.

You are a Rutabaga.

The painting and I have locked eyes.

I fear she'll win the staring contest.

Carcinogens consumed.

Maximum altitude achieved.

My oxygen is low.

9.4

Ive got cotton coffee mouth. The shits gone cold.

I'm nauseous.

Pump my stomach.

My watch has all the answers. would you like to see?
I've started a fresh pack.

Money is tight. But i feel the end.

You didn't answer. i don't know what to do now.
The world is sleeping. why can't i?

This water is bland.

Why can't i form a coherent sentence?

An alarm goes off in the distance. I'm sleep deprived. What happens now?
My fingers are cold. My eyes are closing.

My crotch is ripped.

I don't want to be here. I long for freedom.

I could sleep with you at my side.

This chair is uncomfortable. My ass hurts.

I smell cat piss.

It's a full moon out. My blood is rising.

Can't someone shut that alarm up?

The air conditioners running even though its cold.

Pointless money wasting.

Why can't i age quicker? My minds ahead of my body.
I want to sing. But ive lost my voice.

Can you define the word?

Ignorance.

Someone hit the snooze button.

I can't feel my arms.

9.3: 715 pm.

Wheres the end of this paragraph?

A van just passed through, it didn't stop.
I wish this cigarette would never end.
This coffee is vile, my throat is raw.
I want to see you...I want to be held.

someone promised me a sequel once.
i'm going to make a new cast.

Cars drive by. I'm hopelessly stationary.

Alone in my solitude. i want human acknowledgment, but from who, i don't know.

no ones ever there. I detest my own presence. i wish i could escape.

Text message received.

Someones on their way.

I want to sleep. i know it will never come.
The need for Dragonballs is high. Ive lost my radar.

souls float past me. only to be collected in jars.

Why must i have these obscure thoughts. No one will see.
I long for them to ask.

Presence received.

Message terminated.

9.3

I found the skin of a Cincada today.
I'm wondering where my shell went. i left it somewhere once.

These children wander the hallways not knowing its pointless.
I want to scream. Shake them. Let them know im here.

I'm the ghost of this town. Everyone knows im around. Yet, no one will dance with me.
They haven't molted yet.

You told me once, we only have so much time awake, then we die.
My eyelids are heavy.
Will you comatose with me?

I desperately need a cigarette. I can feel my lungs dying with every puff.
My head screams for nicotine, caffeine.

You're going to die soon.

I want solitude from everyone. You i can stand.

I haven't slept in days. The need for speed is uncontrollable.
Where can i find a steady supply?

My system is clean now. After two years. It's unnatural, its because of you.

I need coffee, stat.
Pump my veins.

Someone just said your name, but you're not around.

My dependence on these outside chemicals is vile.

I can't look at myself anymore.

I might vomit.

9.1

I feel like im drowning in a sea of political bullshit.

I don't know were everyone has gone.

I can't see past my own fucking hand anymore.

I'm attempting to smoke myself to death. Hopefully im getting close.
Several years ago on this very day, i was brought upon the world. If they would've told me it was going to be like this, i would have crawled back in, refused to come out.

I see you suffering, it makes me hurt. People are blind.
Hiding behind the thin veil of their own lives, refusing to look out the window.

I've left my heart in a chair in your room. I told you, you could have it if you wished.
you might get better use out of it then i ever could.
I don't want it back though. if you don't like it, just leave it there.

It's beautiful outside now. the seasons mine for the taking.
Yet, the air conditioner still runs.
All i want is to fly.
I want to sit outside and read until i combust.

I think of you often, and the series of events that led me there.
How grateful can a soul be? A man somewhere is throwing up blood. All the while-
not knowing how lucky he is. He took it all for granted, expecting to stay a bit longer.
what a desperate mistake he made.
If only you had eyes. Or feet for that matter.

I just wish there was something i could do to end the suffocation.
I need a fast car, in a hurry.
I need a time machine.
I need a self destruct button.

I'm lost at sea, and i can't swim.

Someone throw me a lifeboat.

This desperation is pitiful.

I hate myself for it.